Sometimes it still hurts. You know how it is, man. I mean, each day you think about it less and less. And then one day you wake up and you don't think of it at all, and you almost miss that feeling. It's kinda weird. You miss the pain because it was part of your life for so long. And then, boom, something reminds you of her, and you just smile that bittersweet smile.
so its been ages, doesn't matter though. today was eventful for the least i suppose i dunno did my first photo shoot ever i really enjoyed it, it was really something i could see myself doing unfortunately who knows how many times the opportunity is going to arise. other than that life is an uneventful blur. i count the days till weekends that i work anyways so i don't get the chance to do anything but its still something to help pass the time. Lately life's just been and arrangement of memories i cant look forward to anymore and time spent wondering. Basically ive felt different where i dont know what i want or who i am anymore, i threw away almost a three year relationship that ive been wondering why i did, finally i realized why i did and remembered that i was walked all over and treated like a non-existent being. So i suppose that i made the right move i dunno i question things to much. Never learned to let things go. cant decide whether im happy with the decision or not, not really i miss being comfortable but i dont miss the stress and worry. I really basically just hate where i am in life and its make or break time and i cant tell what my plan is. I found someone who just genuinely nice and seems like a great person shes beautiful and everything that i havent ever had in a relationship but it just seems like shes got no interest in it, so i figure i wont worry about it anymore like people say "things always get better", right. yes that was sarcasm. undoubtedly its not going to. This place is shit always has been always will. Ide like to move somewhere new but i dont like the thought of losing the few people i do care about and care about me like alex and nick and andrew even though it seems as lately we've all drifted expect not me and alex so much were still close, i cant remember the last time me and nick just hung out for no reason and i live with andrew so were close just it seems different now. Its weird. Otherwise im tired of being alone. Im happy with school but i FUCKING hate waking up early. Something that seems strange to me is how much i think about seeing danielle when i go out, its really weird she and i are "friends" if thats what you call it i basically see it as acquaintances it doesnt bother me though, its strange to feel like that especially since ive spent so much time with her in the past but i cant explain it i dont miss her im acctually a bit relieved to be without her. But i still cant shake the feeling of hoping shes in the car next to me or in the same store as me i dunno i cant explain it like i said, it is a bit contradictory to what i said earlier but whatev. Im rambling but whose reading anyways just venting. I cant tell what triggered all of this just want to talk i dont have conversations anymore i have talks its boring. I dont talk deep to anyone but alex, he understands hes my brother. I do have a problem though I CANT figure out what the fuck im suppose to do anymore i need a vacation big time need to get away so i can at least be excited to come home. i feel like im repeating myself so much because i go over these things all day long in my head maybe im crazy not to unbelievable of a though but whose sane now a days anyways. i want to act i like the camera when i get the photoshoot ill post it on my myspace it was cool i got to play the role of the mystery murderer it was the least to say interesting. SO ide like to sum everything up in a few lines
Im lonely I miss the ways things use to be Im tired of being depressed and lastly i want the writers strike to be over so i can watch heroes new season
"And in the end, it's not the years in your life that count. It's the life in your years." - Abe lincoln smart guy
ok so ive forgotten how much i hate school, not to mention i wasnt sure i still had this account, apprently i do:-) anyways. things have been wierd lately i continuously and anxious about nothin? i guess nothing. Girls school and everything sucks right now. but i think im gonna start writing in this thing more from now on.